There are a number of ways in which a comic measures greatness. It can be its financial worth (and while the number of webcomics that make enough money for its creators to live off of are small, that number is growing). It can be how many people read the comic. It can be the acclaim that the comic gains from critics. But all of these pale in my eyes to one thing: creating a comic where the characters mean so much that fans become rabid concerning beloved characters.

El Goonish Shive is one of the latter comics, with its popularity achieved through its cast. The fan base for EGS is almost as rabid as that of Inverloch, which I’ve talked about several times. Like the latter comic, the cartoonist can gauge the reactions of fans and prepare for the storm that will arise because of the conflict that arises between characters.

Note, I said conflict. This is a lesson that the “big” companies (Marvel, DC, Image, and others) need to learn. Conflict does not equal combat. What has happened recently in EGS is not a physical fight between two individuals striving to achieve dominance over the other. It isn’t even an emotional war fought to have one character prevail over the other.

Instead, we have a young lady who is in many ways unsure of herself struggling to come to terms with what it means to be her own person. Ellen is a most unique character. She is a copy, a doppelganger. She is the female form of another character, Elliot, giving flesh and life through magic, but with all of the memories of the original, all of the emotions and desires and needs. While Ellen has struggled to achieve independence from Elliot, in many ways she is still Elliot, trapped in a female form.

Ellen thus becomes one of a number of transgendered characters on the webcomic scene. However, unlike Ash of Misfile or several other similar characters in other webcomics, Ellen decided to embrace her new self. So she started flirting with guys and acting spontaneously, and striving not to be a copy of her old self. She did such a good job that many people believed the illusion Ellen was creating… and even Ellen bought her own lie from time to time.

All that came crashing down in the storyline “Painted Black.” In it, a dimensional traveler took advantage of Ellen’s status of a newborn soul and somehow linked her own doppelganger’s soul to Ellen, letting both live out a life in which both were friends… and both could grow up, letting their souls “age” while becoming something new and unique to themselves. Ellen lived this second life through her dreams, and the night before the party the final dream occurred. That dream disturbed Ellen on many levels.

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of it was that Ellen had a sexual relationship with a teenage boy in this second life… and while the female aspect of herself is attracted to men, the part of her that is Elliot was freaked out by it. I mean, think of it… you’re trapped in the body of someone that’s the opposite gender and end up having sex with your own former gender. I suspect many people would be weirded out by the experience.

Ellen was, at least.

Another thing that has been building for a while now is the growing attraction between Nanase and Ellen. Nanase had dated Elliot before Elliot touched the Dewitchery Diamond that resulted in Ellen’s “birth.” Elliot had feelings for Nanase, though he wasn’t quite in love with her. Instead, he was in love with another girl (Sarah), and she with him. Knowing that she had no chance at all of being with Sarah, Ellen gave up on that. But her affection toward Nanase grew, combined with the fact that Nanase was the first person to reach out to Ellen and accept her as a unique person. Upon learning that Nanase was very likely gay, and not only was just realizing it but also was finding that she herself was attracted to Ellen led Ellen to start focusing her interest on the other girl.

But Nanase refused to open up to Ellen. Nanase was too scared to admit her interest in Ellen, partly because of her own family upbringing (which includes a strong undercurrent of homophobia) and possibly also related to what she observed her own good friend Justin going through in harassment after he was outed for being gay.

If you think of it, it’s a bit painful for Ellen. Nanase has been there time and time again for Ellen. She has held Ellen while the other girl cried. She has been there to talk to. She knows some of Ellen’s most intimate secrets. But Nanase refuses to confide in Ellen. While we don’t see every moment that these two are together, I’ve had a general feeling of Ellen slowly drifting away from Nanase despite her own affection toward the girl. Instead, Ellen is becoming a very close dear friend to Grace (who is also an Outsider among outsiders. There is a bond between Grace and Ellen of close friendship, a bond that is lacking between Ellen and Nanase from what I’ve seen).

There is no real friendship between Nanase and Ellen. There is support… there is desire… but friendship? What do they do together? When they went to the mall it was with Justin. When they hung out in a store, it was likewise with Justin. Do they actually just hang out together? Just the two of them? It seems like they are together as part of their circle of friends, not because they’re friends.

Part of this is Nanase. Nanase desires Ellen. She daydreams about the girl. She is attracted to her. In the recent party, she chose Ellen’s outfit, a dress that was so skimpy and probably thin that Ellen was blushing while wearing it, and felt uncomfortable in it. Nanase reduced Ellen to an object to be lusted over, and while she did give her own jacket to Ellen when she realized Ellen was uncomfortable in the dress, that doesn’t lessen the fact of what she did.

As for Ellen… I’m not sure. Ellen is working off of old emotion here. But I think she’s been building Nanase up to be more than she is. Does Ellen love Nanase? Or is Ellen attracted to Nanase because of the memories that she inherited from Elliot? Is Nanase… comfortable? Safe? Think of it. Did Ellen start fixating on Nanase upon hearing that Nanase was gay because of their past history? Before then they were friends. But now… she knows Nanase is attracted to her. And it must feel… good. Nanase is attractive. She is assertive and aggressive and Elliot must have had some feelings for her, feelings that echo in Ellen’s breast. What’s more, Ellen’s own competitive nature wants this. By claiming Nanase, by gaining her love, she wins where Elliot lost. Sure, Elliot got Sarah. But she gets Nanase. She gets the girl who dumped Elliot.

Is Ellen in love with Nanase? Or is she just attracted to the idea of succeeding where Elliot failed, and with the safeness that exists in a relationship with this girl?

But Nanase isn’t safe. Nanase is scared of going beyond fantasy. If she admits to Ellen that she has feelings for the girl then she admits, for once and for all, that she’s gay. From there, she has to deal with how her own parents will react. She already knows her mother hates homosexuality, probably due to discussions about Justin. (And when she inevitably finds out, how much do you want to bet that Justin will be mentioned… partly out of “remember what happened to that Justin boy when he admitted he was gay? Do you want to go through that?” and partly blaming him for “corrupting” Nanase.)

In Ellen’s dreams, she slept with a boy, and while that relationship didn’t work out, she was attracted to him and to other boys. She was a heterosexual (or at the very least bisexual) woman there. While her relationship with Archie fell apart due to her wanting more out of it than he did, it was still an affirmation that she likes guys. Outside of those dreams, Ellen is dealing with those memories: the memories of seducing a good friend and convincing him to have sex with her, the memories of what it was like to have sex, the memories of being intimate (kissing and cuddling) with guys. Those memories are conflicting. She likes boys. But she used to be a boy. It feels wrong to like boys even as it feels right.

So she admits it to Nanase. She tells Nanase everything. She admits why she was so freaked out earlier. Full Disclosure. No doubt it felt good to get it out, to admit to everything, but more it was a gesture of trust and love toward Nanase. She admitted to the girl she’s been putting her own hopes and dreams on, expecting that Nanase would thus admit her own feelings.

Nanase didn’t.

It was quite the slap to the face. She bared her soul. She revealed everything to her. This is more than being naked physically. This is opening every door, offering to let Nanase in… and Nanase stands on the door’s edge and refuses to step in, refuses to take that step in return. She does not trust easily, and she is afraid… and perhaps Nanase is also working on all of these revelations from this woman she finds so attractive: Ellen is in essence gay, she even admitted to it. She had sex with a man and isn’t a virgin (but is, because that was an alternative life). She’s been “faking” herself for a while now, trying to be different and overcompensating in doing so. All of these revelations will take some thought to work through. So Nanase doesn’t respond in kind. She holds back. And in doing so, she inadvertently sends a message:

I do not trust you.

These aren’t adults here. Perhaps Ellen is a little “older” spiritually now than she is physically (in that her other self had graduated from high school, while our gang here are still in their Junior Year of high school if I remember rightly), but she’s still a kid in many ways. She opened up her heart and soul, admitted her darkest secrets… and Nanase patted her on the shoulder and said “that’s nice” and refused to give back. What does that say? What message does that send?

I do not trust you.

Nanase has been there for Ellen, from day one. She’s done so much for Ellen. She’s been there for Ellen at every turn. But she rejects Ellen’s own offers of aid. She refuses Ellen and in doing so has unconsciously negated Ellen’s worth. Ellen is now the damsel in need and needs to be protected and comforted but cannot be trusted with anything important. She’s just a mindless silly princess who is to be saved and put on a pedestal. But heaven forbid you actually need something done.

I do not trust you.

It might not be what Nanase means, but this is the message that has been sent. It’s a punch to the gut, and Ellen loses all confidence. She stammers, stutters, forces her own tears to remain in and flees from the situation. And I am willing to bet that she’s not even blaming Nanase here. She’s probably chewing herself out. She’s blaming herself, yelling at herself for setting her own expectations too high, for trying to manipulate Nanase in admitting her feelings and deep dark secrets, for trusting.

The cold darkness of the night is nothing compared to that which has opened up in her own soul. This is a betrayal like none other… and while Nanase will no doubt chase after Ellen and try to find out what’s wrong… and while no doubt she may even take that leap of faith and admit to Ellen about being gay (or accept that Ellen knows, if Ellen springs that knowledge on her) it is still a wound that could very well lead Ellen to reconsider everything. Does she love Nanase? Has she been deluding herself? Is it all a lie? Does Nanase have just cause not to trust her?

Maybe in time Ellen and Nanase may recover from this. They may become a couple despite it. But the pain Ellen has suffered just now is going to stay with her. Nanase’s tendency to lock people out will be a bone of contention in the future, and unless Nanase somehow overcomes it, it will ultimately destroy any relationship between Ellen and Nanase… and what’s more, I honestly can’t see a romantic relationship between the two after what happened tonight.

But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try. It may last a month. It may last a year. But in doing so, both Ellen and Nanase will learn something about each other… and themselves. Who knows? Maybe even as the romance fails, a stronger friendship will be forged and they can support each other without the drama of romance ripping into their souls.