I have a tendency to write glowing reviews about comics. Let’s see, I’ve been called “alarmingly optimistic”, “the gold standard for candyassery,” “a total milquetoast,” “softball,” “puff piece,” “free ride,” and “free parking.” Needless to say, most of those were by my good friend Steve Anderson (who writes movie reviews under the moniker the “Video Store Guy” and feels that reviews need to give tough love), but it’s a rare case for me to say something negative about a comic. In fact, few comics outside of College Roomies from Hell (which I seem to have a love/hate relationship with) have gotten the thumbs down by me.

So imagine the surprise of dozens of forumites from El Goonish Shive come September 29th when I posted in their forums… and stated my dissatisfaction with the conclusion to the storyline “Hold on Hope.” I’ve posted several updates on the various “Rewind” stories, commenting on aspects of the comic that I enjoyed. But with this, the culmination of the story before me, I was left feeling like something was wrong. The story’s conclusion felt empty to me. Days later, after rereading the storyline, it still feels empty to me, and I’m starting finally to realize why.

We’ll start a ways back, around five months back to be more exact. Genders had been assigned (for those of you who’ve not read EGS, one of the characters has a “transformation” gun that can change gender, body-type, species, and more, and he’s been experimenting on it quite a bit; it’s alien technology and the story behind it’s not important to this story), outfits worn, dinners eaten, and songs sung. (The song-fic, for that matter, is… almost over-the-top, and shows something I’ve only started to realize: Ellen and Elliot are rather manipulative. But I’ll get more into that later.)

People go their own separate ways. Actually, Justin is already hiding downstairs, trying to fight off a serious case of envy. But Susan joins him as she searches for someplace quiet where she can be alone and deal with her own personal demons. Tedd flees upstairs with a kiss from Grace, and Grace follows. Ellen drags Nanase into the other room. And we’re left with Elliot and Sarah alone together, and enjoy a short interlude which starts with kisses and ends with tickles. Elliot and Sarah’s story doesn’t really have much in the way of character development, but it does reaffirm the affection that Sarah and Elliot have for each other. It shows us that these two are not interested in the other because of looks… but because of who they are.

While I’m at it, I do need to compliment Dan on his use of backgrounds, greyscale, and artistry in these strips. Dan has truly grown as an artist. He’s able to show a good story. Indeed, there are times when he can show an entire story without having a single word uttered, and without any loss of understanding. Few cartoonists can do this effectively. Dan has done it on multiple occasions, and Hold on Hope shows that he is continuing to perfect his trade as a cartoonist.

Don’t worry, the pleasantries will be over soon enough. Steve won’t be shouting out “milquetoast!” that much. The story of Justin and Sarah starts a procession of powerful climactic short stories for Hold on Hope. It’s here that we learn something suspected for a while: Justin is in love with Elliot. The details of Requiem for Dreams of Love are described in full. Susan listens to Justin and then tells him something important: You’re not alone. She affirms her friendship for Justin, and then (and do remember that genders are reversed here for this story) Justin and Susan kiss. Heck, they more than kiss, but fortunately are distracted before things go too far. Justin’s afraid he might have ruined a friendship until Susan comments she thought she’d been the one to kiss first, and the tension dissolves into good-natured laughter.

This was a potent, powerful scene. Both Justin and Susan went through the fire and were strengthened by it. Both characters grew as a result of what they’d gone through. There was a sense of resolution, and the story then moved on.

Rewind the Second starts out strong, with Tedd freaking out when Grace (who is in this storyline shapeshifted into a tall muscular man, just as Tedd is a girl for the party) kisses Tedd. He freaks. He runs. And Grace chases after him. She wants the truth. She wants to know why Tedd is running. And Tedd admits the truth. He’s not comfortable being physical with Grace when she’s a guy. At this point, Tedd opens his mouth and inserts his foot, commenting how it’s less weird for Grace because she’s bi-sexual. Except, she’s not bi-sexual. Instead, she reveals to Tedd that she’s attracted to him because of who he is, not what he is.

Unfortunately, Rewind the Second falters here. Tedd starts going on about Grace’s sexuality being linked to her alien heritage in a bit of technobabble that would do Star Trek: The Next Generation proud. Let’s face it. It doesn’t matter why Grace loves Tedd no matter his gender. We don’t need any scientific reason for it. Isn’t it better and simpler to just let it stand she loves him so intensely that she doesn’t care what his gender is? The next day’s update likewise feels awkward, but the comic regains its measure when Tedd kisses Grace (even though Grace is still a tall muscular man at this point). Tedd overcomes some of his homophobia and grows as a result… and Grace turns back to her normal self because while she’s touched by Tedd’s gesture, she knows Tedd still has issues with masculinity. The power thus builds, a second climactic moment comes, and the story continues.

Rewind the Third doesn’t really matter. It was a brief moment of silliness meant to yank the chains of ravenous fans who were eagerly awaiting the third and final storyline, with Nanase and Ellen. I’ve talked to fans who feel it changes the energy of the comic, allowing Nanase and Ellen’s story to be different… but I don’t believe that. I honestly believe it’s just a quick aside with no real meaning behind it. And it was cute, but we know how I feel about the kitties.

Rewind the Fourth then starts with the much-anticipated story of Ellen and Nanase. It started fairly strong, and helped explain some of Ellen’s previous comments and her being antsy at the start of the party. I’ve already gone on at length about Ellen and Nanase’s little talk in a previous tangent. It was a powerful little story, and it seemed to be the climactic end of Rewind the Fourth, until the September 29th update, where Nanase goes, and in an abrupt about-face goes before Ellen as herself; small, female, vulnerable (much as Ellen had been), and tells her “I’m gay.” She is answered with an “I know” and from here, the story, the potential itself falls apart.

But that’s getting ahead of ourselves. Rewind a few minutes, to when Ellen starts talking to Nanase. It became Ellen’s turns for revelations. These aren’t the soul-shattering secrets of admitting to being homosexual, but instead of secrets learned. For Ellen learned of Nanase’s secret shame from Susan. Back when Nanase first realized the truth, when talking to Susan, she fled the situation with her Fairy Doll spell, animating the doll back at Ellen and Elliot’s home. Susan didn’t know, however, and in her fear for the girl blurted out what Nanase and she had been talking about. Both Ellen and Justin knew. They kept that knowledge a secret. They would respect Nanase and let her come out at her own time. Unfortunately, Ellen’s own loneliness and desire led her to start pressuring Nanase into admitting the truth. Having had time to reflect in the darkness, Ellen regretted this choice. She considered it (and herself) hypocritical.

In an odd turn of events, and in a moment that just feels entirely too empty and stagnant, Nanase doesn’t react. There is no anger. There is no accusation. She asks why Ellen didn’t admit the knowledge sooner; she looks like she’s working things through in her mind… but think of it for a moment. She was outed. Her confidence was betrayed. Worse, Ellen knew and started manipulating Nanase, trying to force her to admit to being gay.

There is no conflict. There is embarrassment, there is confusion… but there is no intensity. Think back to Justin and Susan, on the sofa caught up in a moment of passion so intense these two teens actually started undressing each other. Think of Tedd and Grace, caught in a moment of love so deep it allowed Tedd to overcome his fears of homosexuality (or perhaps more appropriately, bi-sexuality) and passionately kiss Grace when she was in a definitively masculine form. And then look at this last moment on the porch. This is the coda ending the piece, a simple melody wrapping things up. There is no power here. There is no energy here.

We go to happiness and sweetness and kittens frolicking with ribbons. The final panel, with the kiss… is a sweet moment. It is endearing. It is empty. It lacked the strength and power of Rewind the First and Rewind the Second. It was a Happily Ever After moment when the story would have worked better by waiting on the kiss, by waiting on the love and hope.

What is more, Ellen’s manipulations are accepted and ignored. She’s rewarded for her actions and gets what she wants. The potential of Nanase’s own fears and refusal to admit to who and what she is is likewise lost. She went from abject denial to an about-face and kissing the female doppelganger of her ex-boyfriend. Imagine if instead she told Ellen “I understand what you want… but I can’t give it to you just yet. Please… give me some time?” (For that matter, we could very well see more manipulations from Ellen as she continues to try and push Nanase into a relationship she is not ready for.)

Things were rushed. Potential was denied, possibilities ignored, to bring about the culmination of an Ellen/Nanase relationship. And yes, the Ellen/Nanase relationship is rife with possibilities of conflict and drama, but imagine if instead we had Nanase, asking Ellen to wait, to give her time… and then witnesses Ellen in the middle of her own high school, surrounded by guys and girls who find her attractive and compelling. Might she not end up stepping into a relationship within a story or two out of fear of losing Ellen? She would still be rushing things. She would be taking a step when not ready for it. But it would ring truer than what we see before us now.

Future possibilities don’t matter as much as the failure of this story to maintain the potency of its storyline. Nanase admitting she is gay should be a powerful and potent scene. Instead, it is subdued and repressed. I have struggled as a storyteller to find a way to empower this final scene more, and I don’t know what could have been done to allow Dan to maintain the ending he desired.

But I feel he could have done better. Unfortunately, he caught the recidivist bug and started rewriting in the midst of telling the story. While revising and editing stories is usually a good thing, if you’re in the midst of telling the story it can lead to discrepancies and extraneous material creeping in.

Imagine if Nanase came out… and instead of blathering on, instead of beating around the bush further, she just simply said “You know, don’t you.” Ellen admits to it, and even reveals the source of that knowledge. Emotions could have flared hotter with Nanase demanding something like “How could you toy with me like that? Why didn’t you just admit the truth?” Nanase goes from a passive-aggressive teen that just takes everything Ellen dishes out to being a confrontational young woman who insists on being respected. We even could have confronted the issue of Ellen’s manipulations (a trait inherited from her “brother” Elliot; if you doubt me, go back to the story Relations when he tries manipulating Sarah into learning about him dating Nanase without just out-and-out admitting it to her).

The ending could have come two ways. We could have had Nanase asking for more time, so she could come to terms with her own fears and doubts. To me, this allows for many possibilities, possibilities forsaken for the sake of a happy ending, but which would have allowed for tremendous character growth of both characters. Or we could still have gone with the Kiss… with both girls having confronted their problems and issues and deciding to risk everything for love.

And is it love? “It wasn’t right to rush you…” “…but I know why you did.” If Nanase had just come out and said it, had said “I love you, Ellen” then despite the weakness of the dialog (dialog that was damn realistic and could easily be something overheard from someone coming out of the closet – it is weak in that the scene called for something more, something confrontational) then there still would have been a sense of potency to this scene. Instead, we have a lackluster ending with a pretty kiss and no real sense of permanence to it.

Dan has admitted that there will be consequences to Ellen and Nanase hooking up just a couple of weeks after first meeting each other. They are rushing into things. Yet there are plenty of instances of love-at-first-sight, of strangers meeting, starting to date, and having deep and lasting relationships. If anything has been rushed, it is Nanase’s stance, going from a closet homosexual barely willing to admit to herself about her preferences to kissing a girl outdoors, risking being caught and revealed.

On its own, the September 29th update is skillfully rendered, with a quiet beauty to it that is touching and sweet. But as a part of the bigger story, as the ending of a powerful and moving series of character pieces, it falters. It is anti-climactic. What’s worse, it’s anti-climactic when everything points toward this being the centerpiece of the entire story. When combined with other issues, with Ellen’s manipulations (and getting everything she wants despite being caught) and Tedd’s needless technobabble, this ending leeches the power of the story away, leaving me feeling like it needs something more. And I have no idea what that is.