Monthly Archives: December 2006

(From Ice. Click on image to see it full-sized. Warning: this comic contains nudity, violence, and situations some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.

Have you ever said anything you regretted afterward? Something you can never take back? I suspect we all have these moments that define a moment of our life and colors everything after that moment. It doesn’t matter if the friendship or relationship heals after that. Those words were spoken. The actions are done. It remains a part of the past, poisoning the waters and tainting the future.

It takes a moment of tremendous forgiveness to overcome that moment. Even then with forgiveness that moment remains. There is no erasing it. There is no real forgetting of it… years later it will appear again, rippling again and again. And there’s no telling when such a moment will happen, inflamed by emotion and passion. It can be to a child, a sibling, a loved one. And when unforgiven, it can forever ruin friendships and relationships.

I’ve had such moments. I’ve moments… words my parents said that I remember to this day, that I harbor in my heart. I came close to just stepping out of their lives forever. I didn’t want to forgive the words spoken. I didn’t want to bend. I was the one wronged! And yet… finally I forgave and stepped beyond the moment. Yet it’s still a part of me.

Not everyone is as forgiving. And not all words are as easily forgiven.

I’ve long been a fan of Faith Erin Hicks’s epic comic Ice. Of course, I must admit some puzzlement as to what is truly going on with the villains and the larger deeper story. But even as we swing between stories of child-stealers and stolen technologies there is another story going on here, a more personal one. The story of the woman who calls herself Hunter.

This is no surprise. When Hicks was writing her renowned series Demonology 101, despite the meta-story of Isaac and his quest for power and independence we had the more human story of the high-school girl Raven and her search for her own humanity (a search made more poignant as she was half-demon, though not evil because of that heritage). Indeed, much of D101′s story was about Raven and her own life, even as greater events happened around her.

Likewise Ice is actually about Hunter, even as a greater story unfolds around her.

One thematic element that has reappeared several times happened years before the comic started: Hunter was raped. Some comics have used rape almost trivially, trying to explain away the rape like a sobered-up fratboy finding himself before the police and a sobbing girl. Ice didn’t do that. Indeed, the first hints of the rape were quite subtle. We learned of the rape through second-hand sources (though I must hand it to our two villains of the comic… they do have a twisted sense of honor in finding murder acceptable but rape vile. It gives these two despicable chaps a touch of class).

When Ice left Modern Tales (reminiscent of No Stereotypes leaving MT; Hicks also lost her archives for quite some time when MT suffered their server meltdown and it took forever and a year before it was restored) the comic shifted to greyscale. I’ve heard a few complaints about it, but to be honest I think the greyscale actually fits this comic far better than color ever did. I wish she’d stick with it (as some of the comics are just black-and-white), but greyscale takes about as much time as coloring, and Hicks uses grades of shading and highlights. That takes even longer than the greyscale I did back when I was webcomicking.

Metaphorically, the greyscale also fits what the characters are going through. This isn’t a world of true black-and-white, but one of shades of grey. The two villains who nearly killed Cirr end up showing class and morals. And noble Cirr may indeed be one of the very nobles that have oppressed the common people like Hunter.

Hunter’s sister Mercy believes so at least. Cirr doesn’t exactly refute her comments either. His comments are ambiguous. And even more telling are the words Cirr said to Hunter when drugged up: We left you all in the cold to die. There’s no more fuel. Burned it all. There’s only electricity, and we’ve taken that from you.

Think of that. It’s not that they took the electricity. It’s not that they left the others out in the cold to die. No. It’s “we”. And I half-wonder from the expression on Hunter’s face if she didn’t realize the truth then. Indeed… she may have always known.

What’s most telling though are these words spoken when Cirr asks Mercy what she did to alienate Hunter: I want to see who’s worse: you or me.

And thus begins Mercy’s tale. We go back before Cirr, back when Britain’s democracy finally crumbled and collapsed and all that was left was the Monarchy. Black Maria took control of the country, eliminated rights, eliminated democracy, and instituted a class system with nobles who have the rights and the money… and the rabble who are worthless, sneered down upon and trampled underfoot. Perhaps it was that mentality that led the Queen’s Guard to rape Hunter. But seeing that it happens even in this day and age of democracy, I suspect it was both opportunity and anger over the riots that led to the rape.

The relationship between Hunter and her sister was strained even then. Hunter was joining in the protests at the time against the Queen’s policies and against the destruction of democracy. Mercy tried hard to keep Hunter out of it. She wanted to stay safe, to avoid the violence and anger that was sweeping through the nation. So Hunter and Mercy quarreled, argued over whether it was better to hide and stay safe, or take a stand and try to protect democracy.

In the midst of all this, Mercy realized that she was gay, and turned to her sister for support. And Hunter didn’t accept it. She refused to believe that her sister who had slept with so many guys (in a misguided quest perhaps to deny her homosexuality) was gay. Yet while this wasn’t what caused the falling out between them, it was poison in the well, a muddying of the waters that led to something far worse. For when Hunter was raped… when she finally told Mercy what had happened… Mercy threw Hunter’s own words back in her face. “I don’t believe you.”

Rape is possibly the most devastating thing that can happen to a person. Even surviving the attempt leads a person to question themselves. I know. I was there for one friend who had a friend try to molest her, who assaulted her. And she refused to report him to the authorities. She refused to blame him. She blamed herself. She felt she was responsible. Even though he ended up not raping her… it still hurt her immensely. And I could do nothing for her. I could only listen and try to console her, try to give her advice (advice she refused to listen to because hey, it was her fault and she deserved it in her own eyes).

But perhaps what hurts even more is the betrayal of family turning away, of family saying “you’re lying” rather than accept what happened. In a way, is this not a way of saying “you deserved this”? Is it not casting blame to the one who was raped, in a time when he or she may need support the most?

So Hunter ran away. And in time she found Cirr behind a garbage bin, doped up on drugs, and took him in. And fell in love.

Despite the betrayal of family… Hunter turned to Mercy to save Cirr’s life. She cares enough for Mercy to hate the fact her sister works in a strip club. She cares enough to take interest in the fact Mercy has a girlfriend. And she trusts Mercy enough to leave her alone with Cirr to take a shower.

Perhaps, in a world without villains and plots, there’d be a chance for Hunter and Mercy to heal, for this small family to get back together. But the wolves are at the door and I suspect that Mercy will not be shown any, that she will fall to these villains even as she tries to protect her sister from those who hunt Hunter.

Still… if Mercy has a chance just once to say “I’m sorry” before whatever end she faces and if Hunter can find it in her heart to forgive her sister for those four dreadful words… then perhaps she can find peace in the hereafter. And maybe, just maybe, they can deny the encroaching darkness and cold.

Robert A. Howard

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(From The Wotch. Click on image to see it full-sized. Warning: may be inappropriate for those readers who prefer comics with lots of swearing, violence, and overt sexuality. Perverts be warned.

First impressions count for a lot. It’s said that the first sentence in a book can make or break it. If it doesn’t catch the reader’s attention, then readers will put it aside and move on to something else. In truth, it’s more like the first couple of pages, but that first sentence is still quite vital, and that initial impression goes a long way to keeping people interested in a story.

The thing is, however, first impressions can be deceptive. The start of Knights of the Old Republic: The Sith Lords was most impressive. The ending destroyed all of the enjoyment for the series for me. Likewise, books and comics can come along quite strongly and suddenly lose their inertia and just founder and fail. Conversely, a story that starts out slow can suddenly bloom and turn into something delightful and superb.

It took me two attempts (and a Guest Review) for me to get into The Wotch. There are several reasons for this. First, this comic is a comedy, and I’m not that big on comedies. Thanks to Shakespeare, many comedies are based on some level of pain, be it physical, mental, or emotional. (Indeed, the difference between a Shakespearian comedy and tragedy often was measured by the body count: in a comedy the protagonists would live, while in tragedies they’d usually die or wish they were dead at the end of the play.) And this is true for The Wotch as well.

Still, the comedic nature of The Wotch wasn’t the reason for my disdain. Instead, part of it lay in the foundation of the comic itself. Anne, the heroine and primary protagonist of the comic, was gifted with tremendous powers but had to keep this power a secret. I could forgive the first time Anne slipped up. She didn’t know she was being spied upon (and she even looked around to see if anyone was watching). I can forgive her revealing her abilities to her new friends, seeing that it’s human nature to want to share secrets (and it was obvious at least that Jason had already figured out some of Anne’s secret). But from there, Anne proceeded to indulge in downright idiotic public displays of her ability, withoutthinking through the possibility of being caught.

I’ve issues with stupid characters. It’s why I don’t watch most television (because most TV characters use their “innate” stupidity as a source of “humor” in the belief it’s easier to laugh at other people’s pain than your own). Perhaps I’m too empathic for my own good, or too critical of myself. (Heavens knows this is the fourth incarnation of this review, so that self-critical nature definitely is evident in my writings.) The thing is, I end up literally blaming myself for the stupidity of these characters. So when I found myself beating myself up for the actions of Anne, Jason, and Robin… I stopped reading.

And this ended up being a mistake. You see, The Wotch is actually quite an enjoyable and well-written comic. While Anne never has really suffered any significant consequences for the numerous things she’s been responsible for (something I’ve had issues with, actually), her good nature and cheerful outlook on life helps compensate for that. Anne’s mistakes are good-natured mistakes and later in the comic beyond her control.

Which of course leads me to tangent about the issue of consequences within The Wotch. The comedic nature of the comic and the concept of actual heartfelt consequences are almost at odds for each other. When Cassie (a secondary character and goth witch) tries to use a love potion on Robin, she ends up missing him each time and gives two other people (and a plant) the love potion instead. The worse that happens is that Cassie keeps getting love notes and the like. Likewise, when Robin ends up asking Cassie out on a dare, he ends up enjoying himself. His admission to Cassie about why he went on a date with her alienates her from him, but in time she did start getting over it. (Indeed, much of Cassie’s problems stem from an inferiority complex concerning Anne’s own magical abilities and what she perceives as her own shortcomings magically.)

Looking deeper into the comic, however, you can perceive that there are consequences for actions, some of them rather significant. The first and foremost came quite early in the comic when Anne told Robin and Jason that she was a Wotch. This allowed Xaos to learn who and where she was, and in turn led to several “tests” to increase her potential… and lead toward the prophecy where apparently his power will merge with hers and make Xaos all-powerful. Likewise, the “youth medallion” that Evan uses to relax led to an accident where Anne was turned into a 5-year-old. And Anne’s tendency to turn guys into girls resulted in the terrorist organization D.O.L.L.Y. taking an interest in Anne and her abilities as well.

The consequences aren’t just for Anne and her friends. The Wotch is actually two stories. The first is about Anne and her friends. The second concerns the villain exposed at the end of the first chapter of the comic: Xaos. Or more specifically, it involves those fighting him: The Resistance. The thing is, these aren’t heroes, not really. Oh, some of them are, but among them are those smaller villains who decided to strike against Xaos rather than work for him. They’re heroes by necessity instead of by desire. And instead of learning more about Anne, who is needed for Xaos’s plans, they are trying to kill her.

Nothing like burning your bridges before you reach them.

What’s more, they’re willing to ally themselves with psychopaths (and I don’t just mean Sykos, though he seems to be the latest threat to Anne and her friends). Xaos is carefully planning and building. He predicts and anticipates. The Resistance? They react. Even in their attacks against Anne, they’re still reacting… this time to the anticipated potential threat to them from this mysterious “Wotch”. While it is inevitable that when Anne eventually ends up in this alternative dimension that she would side with the Resistance (because she’s no villain and has already been warned about the Dark Lord watching her), the knee-jerk reactions of those in the Resistance makes it likely that Anne and her friends will stand alone against Xaos.

Not all consequences are deadly, however. Early in the series when Anne miscast her doppelganger spell, one aspect that appeared was her romantic side, which showed considerable interest in Robin. Her sense of defeatism and self-doubt likewise turned to Robin when he showed her comfort. While she’s not shown outward romantic interest since, she does care for him as a friend at the very least. She’s protective of Robin, but that seems to be about as far as it goes (well, besides being friends). As for Robin? Jason at the very least thinks Robin has a crush on her. It’s possible that he does. But I don’t think Robin’s ever going to act on it. And from what I’ve deciphered from friendships with female acquaintances of my own… it’s unlikely.

Women tend to treasure their actual friendships with men, and don’t want to ruin things with romance or dating. Some guys actually build on the friendship first, wanting to learn a bit about the girl first… and then if they like the girl and have similar interests then asking them out. And it rarely works out. Why ruin things with a romance that may fade? Why ruin the friendship? And the sad thing is, sometimes it still ruins the friendship. The friendship was based on false premises. When the guy finds out she’s not interested… the friendship may fade. Things may fall apart anyway. I don’t think this is the case with Robin and Anne in the comic… but the only real hint of relationship potential between these two came from a filler strip. Seeing that RL Anne and Robin (who both write the comic) are friends and married to different people… it’s unlikely that we’ll see a romance between character Anne and Robin, no matter how much the “shippers” may dream otherwise.

Another interesting bit that has happened is the appearance of Miranda West. Up to this point, Anne has been without a mentor. But with Miranda, we have the previous Wotch who’s willing to train Anne (and indeed has been working to clean up some of Anne’s messes… which also explains perhaps why Anne’s more spectacular mistakes have been hidden from public view). More interestingly is this new theme: not everything can be solved with a little magic.

This is something that has applications in real life. I’m not going to weigh in on the whole truth of magic and faith, but the truth is this: people believe. But faith or magic alone cannot bring about results. Praying for a job or using a spell to get a job will result in disappointment unless you go out and search for a job. The same is true for love, money, or anything else people try for with magic. And of all people, the one who learned this the most was Robin. He was anxious to learn magic at one point, and Anne pointed out that she didn’t need another magic-user to help her out. She needed a friend. Yet Robin realizes that being a friend is not enough. He’s been learning martial arts to be able to help out in a time of crisis, something I suspect will have ramifications in the future (though if this will be good or bad remains to be seen).

And of course there are the mundane threats to Anne’s secret. Another secondary character, Ivan, has long been investigating the various strange happenings. He’s finally narrowed the field of suspects. He knows Anne, Robin, and Jason are involved in something, and he’s not the type to keep secrets. This problem is going to come to a boil sooner rather than later… and I suspect the ramifications will be such that the only cure will be magical. Nor do I see Ivan escaping unscathed, as Miranda is rather protective of her apprentice.

Of course, all said and done, there is one other consequence that has had ripples throughout every story. When Anne first admitted to being the Wotch, she cemented her friendship with both Robin and Jason. These two have been there for Anne from the beginning. They’ve stuck by her even when she’s tried pushing them away. They’ve been responsible for some of Anne’s adventures and helped her in her times of need. Anne gains strength from them, and perhaps even a sense of purpose.

Not all consequences are bad, after all.

Addendum: Speaking of consequences, there is one last one for The Wotch, and I wonder if Anne had any inkling that this would come about. This isn’t something in the story, however, but as a result of the comic. Because what Anne and Robin have created here truly is magical, and has enthralled thousands of fans who love not only this comic… but those behind it.

Like many webcartoonists, creator-Anne has a life outside of the comic. Between work and school and the like, Anne had no time to spend on the comic. Frequent hiatuses started to creep in and caused pauses in the story. Anne wasn’t happy about it, and decided to see if her fans could help. She created a donation bar and offered to quit her part-time job to focus more on the comic if they donated enough money.

Her fans came through big-time. The donation bar evolved as a result, with animated events happening as each donation threshold was achieved. Indeed, sometimes the animations are even more amusing than the comic itself. But this isn’t quite the consequence I refer to, though it’s reflective of what happened afterward.

During the last months of the year, events started piling up on Anne’s life. It doesn’t help that it’s Christmas, traditionally a time of cheer and joy… and a time in which depression weighs even more heavily upon those suffering from it. When life takes a turn for a worse at this time of the year, it can hit quite hard. It’s hit hard for Anne, and while she’s not given us the details there’ve been hints in the comic itself (as art reflects life). So Anne’s gone on hiatus, and she’s not sure when she’ll return though she plans on doing so when she’s found a way through her problems.

In response, webcartoonists and fans have rallied behind her with guest strips, guest art, and an outpouring of respect, love, and support that is truly uplifting. The Wotch will continue to update with new fanart and fanstories as per the normal update schedule. This is telling, both of the type of person Anne is that she can get this sort of response from fans without seeking attention… and in how special the comic itself is. So if you’ve tried The Wotch in the past and couldn’t get into it… give it a second chance. Start a little further into the story if need be. Perhaps your tastes have changed in that time or the changes in the story itself may be more to your liking. It’s definitely worth a second look in my eyes.

Robert A. Howard

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One of the great joys of writing (at least for me) comes from stepping into the mind and shoes of my creations. I’ve done some truly horrific things to characters (both my own and those borrowed in various fanfics); yet I don’t do it out of some sadistic glee. I step behind my character’s eyes and see and feel what they feel, and try to work out how and why they survive. In some ways I become my characters for a little bit.

It’s not easy at times, especially when trying to look through the eyes of a girl. In some ways, women and men are more alien to each other than to say cats or dogs. Animals tend to react in set ways. There are exceptions, but these are exceptions. But women? For all that both genders are human, the differences between men and women can be quite vast, and an intriguing topic for many writers.

Naturally webcomic creators are attracted to this dichotomy between the sexes. One way of exploring what it is to be a woman, or a man, is with what I call “Transformation Comics” in which a character is changed from one gender to the other. (Note the capitalization; if this were Websnark, Eric would be hauling out the Lexicon and adding a new word to his ever-growing list of snarkisms. I think Tangents can do without a lexicon for now (which is part of the reason I eliminated it from the archives). At least until I grow a few more pet-phrases concerning comics.)

I’m unsure if I would include true transgender comics in the Transformation Comic category. If they are, they’re a definite sub-category. But the main thrust of a Transgender Comic is of an individual born the wrong gender, much as transgendered individuals are in real life. In this, they seek to change who and what they are through hormonal therapy and surgery. (An excellent example of a Transgender comic would be Venus Envy, though there are a number of TG comics out there.) Transformation and Transgender comics do share one thing in common, however. Both are about poor souls who are in a body that isn’t the right gender for them. In the case of transgendered comics, they were born that way. Transformation comics are those changed into another gender, predominantly male-to-female.

(This is kind of sad actually. I know that Narbonic briefly explored female-to-male transformation with Helen being changed into a man. However, even that story turned its focus to the traditional male-to-female transformation when Helen turned Dave female. After that it focused on Dave’s experiences as a woman. El Goonish Shive also recently had an extended storyline in which the main cast (with the exception of Ellen) switched genders, giving the girls a glimpse of what it was like to be male, and vise versa. Still, the only real focus of female-to-male transformation was with Susan, and that seemed to be used as an object lesson to show Susan that her dad didn’t cheat on her mom because he was male, but because he was a despicable person. I don’t recall any other female-to-male comics, which suggests to me that a considerable creative outlet is being ignored here.)

Transformation comics seem to have certain things in common. Naturally, the transformation of a character to the opposite gender is one. This is often brought about by magic or arcane technology that cannot be (or is not) explained. One well-known example is Misfile, which had an error in heaven behind Ash’s transformation. The Wotch also has frequent gender-swapping done by magic (and recently magi-tech which resisted efforts at magically reversing it). And EGS has the alien magi-tech “Transformation Gun” which can switch genders, some orientation, and even species. But the mechanism of change plays second fiddle to the actual act of transformation and the consequences of that change.

The next thing Transformation comics have in common are the female sidekick or partner. This (often teenaged) girl becomes confidant, guide, and source of humor. Misfile’s Ash has Emily, who helped teach her how to put on a bra and on some feminine hygiene issues. EGS’s Elliot had his best friend Sarah help her out. Ryan and Brian of Abstract Gender have their friend Katie. And on down the line.

Despite the presence of the female sidekick, the transformed individual often feels isolated. Their transformed status is often kept a secret, either by erasing knowledge of the character’s past as a male or by the character pretending to be someone else (often a cousin). Close friends might know the truth, but in the end they cannot understand the trauma that comes from being changed.

Because it is traumatizing. Biochemically, men and women are very different… with different hormonal mixtures and the like. These hormones affect our behavior. So we have a person who remembers what it’s like to be a man… who remembers how “he” used to react. And all at once she’s finding sappy movies cause her to get teary-eyed, and that her emotional reactions are different than she remembers. She can see these changes in herself. She’s literally losing her mind here, becoming someone.. something different than what she had been.

It can be much worse. A good part of attraction is hormonal. So imagine a character (who is inevitably straight and usually has no interest in homosexuality) suddenly finds “her” heart racing when catching another guy scoping “her” out… finding “she” likes a guy’s scent or to just be with him. Imagine how frightening it would be. It’s a loss of identity. And the female sidekick cannot understand. The friends can’t. They aren’t experiencing this.

Naturally the transformed men didn’t want to be changed. They liked being men (with a few exceptions). And they don’t want to be “stuck” female. Each day is a struggle to retain their identity, and pretending to be something they honestly aren’t doesn’t help with this identity struggle. They see wearing women’s clothes as cross-dressing, despite the fact they are female, because they don’t identify themselves as women. Literally, they’re men trapped in women’s bodies.

Interestingly enough, the majority of Transformation comics don’t delve into the transformed individuals actually dating people of their former gender. While Narbonic’s Helen and Dave periodically switched genders when they were lovers, this was done in the background. We were told what happened instead of shown. Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki’s Yuuki is one exception in that Yuuki actually dated a male student, and has Loki hitting on her as well, but to date the majority of gender-swapped characters haven’t even hinted at feelings for their former gender.

Inevitably it seems these comics eventually descend into considering lesbian relationships (as all of the long-term Transformation comics I know of are male-to-female). I suppose I can see the point. After all, the transformed individual remembers being attracted by the formerly opposite gender. Mentally, being with someone of their current gender isn’t homosexuality. It’s natural to them. It’s less frightening than to surrender to the situation, to fully embrace their femininity. Still, it seems almost formulaic in some ways. There’s no real interest in exploring this new situation.

The exceptions that I know of being EGS’s Tedd and SGVY’s Yuuki, but even in these cases it’s easily explained away. Tedd dislikes being picked on for his feminine features and sees “becoming a girl” as a vacation from life. Yuuki was into cosplaying and dressed up as a girl even before being transformed. Abstract Gender waffles on this, going both routes (and having two transformed characters). Brian’s friend Katie cajoled him into cross-dressing and taught him how to walk like a girl months before he was transformed… and as Brian can switch between male and female he doesn’t have nearly the issues that other gender-swapped characters suffer through. His friend Ryan, however, is stuck as a girl and wants nothing to do with it. Ryan’s one fear is that others in his school will find out the truth and harass him on it, and Brian’s switching back and forth is a threat to “his” secret.

None of the Transformation Comics I’ve read have actually had their heroine discovered. Outside of the female sidekicks and some family members, no one knows what happened. Of course, this isn’t so hard to believe. I mean, people don’t just spontaneously change gender. The only people who would suspect anything would be crackpots and idiots. (EGS might be considered an exception here, as in the Sister storyline Elliot told his teachers that he’d been turned into a girl even as he played the part of his “cousin” Ellen. But even that is questionable; none of the students outside of Elliot’s immediate friends ever heard a thing about it, so it’s a moot point.)

Naturally, the ending of a Transformation story is the resetting of things. The guy regains his original form (or the girl is once again female), lessons have been learned, and the story can end. In this there is a shift in the comics. Those that utilize a Transformation storyline continue on. Narbonic’s Dave and Helen went on to many other adventures after their voyage in gender-swapping. The EGS gang had a fun party and then changed back to their original forms, a bit wiser for their venture. But what of the Transformation Comics?

To date, none of them has ended. I must admit to being rather curious as to what will happen with Misfile… as the story is set to run for a couple of years. I suspect that in the end, Ash might remain a woman, if she’s able to stay with Emily. We never saw any of her life as a boy, but it seems that her friendship with Emily, her making peace with her mom, and many other incidents have far too great an impact for Ash to just hit the cosmic reset button and remain a guy. Yuuki? Well, once her valkyrie duties are done, no doubt she’ll go back to being a guy, though with the update schedule it will be years and years until we know for sure. As for the rest….

Transformation comics are an exploration of what it is to be a woman, more often than not. So the question is this: what did the protagonist learn? If her life as a woman ends up being richer and more satisfying than what she’d left behind, it doesn’t say that being a woman is better than being a man. Instead, it says that what she did with herself after that point made her a better person, male or female. And if he or she suffers and hates every moment of it… that too is not because of being transformed, but because of the choices and decisions made that resulted in that misery.

We take what the cards deal us. If it hands us the Joker, then we laugh and move on. Ultimately, that is what Transformation comics are about. It’s about living with the unexpected and prevailing no matter what. What does it matter if you’re male or female? What you make of your life is up to you.

Robert A. Howard

Abstract Morality

(From Abstract Gender. Click on image to see it full-sized.

One of the interesting things about Transformation comics is the exploration of what it is to be male and female from a perspective differing from normal relationship or humor comics. There’s the changed relationship with parents and siblings (for even if the gender-switched character’s status is concealed by altering memories so everyone “knew” the character as a girl (or boy), that doesn’t change the transformed character’s memories and feelings toward their family. There’s the changed relationship with friends (with former best friends having possibly become lovers instead). And of course there’s the issue of romantic relationships.

It seems that male-to-female Transformation comics inevitably skirt into the issue of lesbian relationships. It makes a certain amount of sense; we’ve a former boy here who remembers how she felt toward girls before and usually is freaked out by the thought of being with another boy. Only EGS had a transformed male-to-female gay character, and that was handled rather intelligently: Justin was not interested in being a girl, despite the fact it would allow him to have a boyfriend without worrying about being harassed (or even where to find another boy his age that was also homosexual).

So then I was initially rolling my eyes when I watched “Rachel” being kissed by another girl, one who thought Rachel was a lesbian. The next story update thus surprised me with Rachel’s rejection of Allison’s attentions. And don’t get me wrong. Ryan was interested in girls, and was dating a cheerleader named Nikki before he ended up on the wrong end of some mad scientist experiment. It was this that led me to start writing this tangent (which I ended up revising to the point it split into a comic-related article on Transformation comics and this review).

Clues to Rachel’s initial rejection toward lesbianism can be seen on the first day that “Rachel” went to school after having been transformed. Katie, who was Ryan’s friend beforehand and who’s playing confidant and partner to Rachel and also to Brian who was transformed as well, but who’s proven able to shift back to being a man. Katie was nagging Rachel to be careful around the boys in school. She wasn’t sure how Rachel would react if her body suddenly found itself attracted to a “Mr. Right” among her fellow students.

Rachel’s reaction initially was to state she wasn’t gay, a reaction that got garbled by her current gender confusion. Later she admitted that she’d only felt some feelings toward Nikki, and even that was “kinda” (though considering how Nikki was treating Rachel, it very well might be that she’d had her eyes opened as to what type of person Nikki was). When asked if that made Rachel a lesbian, her response was “can’t I just be nothing?”

The thing is, I don’t think Rachel is nonsexual. Not only is Rachel coming to terms with being a girl (and with no immediate quick fix in sight), but she’s also recovering from a lost relationship with Nikki. We’ve no idea of how serious Ryan and Nikki were. Unfortunately, Rayne didn’t show us any of Ryan and Nikki’s previous relationship. Indeed, Nikki sort of came out of the blue. The first time I remember seeing her was when Rachel was dragged to the mall by Katie and Brian (though Brian was going as a girl as well, calling herself “Brittany”). When you consider that Rachel approached Nikki that first day after becoming a girl… it seems clear this was more than just a passing fancy.

It’s been almost a month since Rachel was transformed, and the breakup with Nikki started in the first couple of days. What’s worse is that there’s been no real ending. “Ryan” has been unable to talk to Nikki, not even on the phone (or at least Rachel hasn’t tried imitating her old voice to try and talk to Nikki with a phone call). Undoubtedly at first Rachel hoped that the detective her mom hired would find something and she’d be able to end this nightmare and become Ryan again. Then things could be fixed with Nikki.

Time has proven the enemy here. No doubt it seems with the passing of time that a cure won’t come about. Ryan was never the most optimistic of people. Now that his past life has been all-but-destroyed, Rachel is showing many signs of depression. Even should a miracle come to pass and she’s able to switch back to a boy again, it’s probable that her relationship with Nikki is a thing of the past. Even if Nikki were willing to forgive and forget, the backbiting and nastiness that Nikki has shown Rachel has done much to poison that relationship.

Or to sum up quickly, Rachel’s still recovering from her dying relationship with Nikki. She’s not in the mood really to jump into a relationship with someone else.

Another aspect to this has to be the slight hope that there’s a cure. Imagine for a moment that Rachel did start seeing Allison… and then is cured. Would Allison be willing to continue seeing Ryan? Would she see it as a betrayal of her trust? I mean, Allison is gay. She doesn’t seem interested in boys (of course, whether Allison is lesbian or bisexual remains to be seen. However, she seemed rather disinterested when her friend Andie suggested going to the mall and scoping out the guys).

It might be one thing if Ryan were able to switch between the two sexes like Brian can. That way she could still see Rachel a little, even if she has to share her time with Ryan. But just Ryan alone? Homosexuality isn’t exactly something you choose to be. She might be able to be friends with Ryan… but a girlfriend? A lover? That seems doubtful to me.

In addition, Rachel’s already made it clear she’s not gay. Of course, that was meant as “I’m not into boys” but she’s not a boy anymore. Thus she might see it as hypocritical to not be homosexual as a boy, but homosexuality as a girl. Morality is a funny thing, especially when you’re younger. It’s easy to state “I will not do this, I do not feel it’s right” when you’re young and even to stick by your guns. But the older you get, the more you realize that morals are a guide, not a law.

Nor does Allison’s lesbian nature come out of the blue. Hints have been laid even as her character was being developed. It seemed like teasing at the time, but when Andie suggested they go malling to go boy-watching, Allison took notice when Rachel said it wasn’t her thing. When Rachel said she used to like a cheerleader it was a significant hint for Allison that Rachel was attracted to women. Thus the kiss.

As predictable as it was for AG to have the suggestion of a possible lesbian romance for Rachel, Rayne’s handling of it was a delightful surprise. It also is an interesting reflection of a similar scene from Misfile, when Ash kissed Emily much to her surprise and disapproval. In that comic it was the transformed person letting her interest be known, and the girl turning her down (though I do have to wonder if Misfile will eventually have Emily change her mind; she was rather intrigued by Ash having an erotic lesbian dream with her…).

In time, we may see Rachel changing her mind. The longer she goes in life as a girl, and the lonelier she gets with her paranoid refusal of Brian’s friendship (and in turn Katie’s as well), the less solid those morals will seem. After all, is it betraying her morals? She was a boy originally… and if she dates a girl, then if and when she changes back she can feel somewhat better about herself because hey, it wasn’t a guy. She didn’t do anything with a boy.

In addition, Allison may become Rachel’s confidant and “sidekick” now that she’s refused Katie’s friendship. Katie can’t be trusted by association with Brian. But Allison? Rachel already was going to trust Allison with one secret. I doubt it was the truth about having been Ryan. In all likelihood it was going to be about Brian. But if she did tell Allison the truth, and if Allison was still interested in her… then that might be enough.

Rachel needs a friend she can trust. A contemporary. She can’t confide in a mother who sees Rachel as the daughter she wanted but never had. Her little brother is a twit (though most brothers are). And while Brett’s friend Evan has guessed and kept it a secret, he’s also Brett’s age. When you’re sixteen, even two years seems an insurmountable gap at times. But Allison is Rachel’s age, and has already told her what Nikki says behind her back. She’s been willing to reach out to “the new girl” and become friends with her. And she’s worked hard to cheer Rachel up.

In a time when Rachel is withdrawing from others and seems ready to descend into the depths of depression, Allison has worked hard to cheer her up and be there for her. In kissing Rachel unexpectedly, she may have reminded Rachel that just because her life has been twisted inside out, it doesn’t mean she is alone.

Robert A. Howard

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